Post by DarkenedSoul on Oct 9, 2006 21:06:02 GMT -6
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been
told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING: I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good
enough
for us.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to
cross the road. It's plain and simple as that.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were
quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him
down.
THE BIBLE: And God come down from the heavens, and said unto the
chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road and there
was much rejoicing.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
DONALD RUMSFELD:
I have known about the chicken crossing the road for several months. I was investigating why the chicken moved but didn't feel it was necessary to alert anyone.
HANS BLIX:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!
RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars,I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information..
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was an historic inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
AL GORE:
That was my chicken! I invented the chicken.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
ARIEL SHARON:
To get back to their nest, but de-fence should put an end to that. If not we shall put a fox in every coop.
BO PILGRIM:
In forty years of messin' with chickens, I've never seen anything like it.
BILL MURRAY [in marching cadence, from the movie "Stripes," 1981]:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
He fell out of rank,
Got hit by a tank,
He wasn't a chicken no more,
NO!!
COL. SANDERS: I missed one?
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been
told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING: I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good
enough
for us.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to
cross the road. It's plain and simple as that.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were
quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him
down.
THE BIBLE: And God come down from the heavens, and said unto the
chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road and there
was much rejoicing.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
DONALD RUMSFELD:
I have known about the chicken crossing the road for several months. I was investigating why the chicken moved but didn't feel it was necessary to alert anyone.
HANS BLIX:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!
RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars,I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information..
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was an historic inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
AL GORE:
That was my chicken! I invented the chicken.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
ARIEL SHARON:
To get back to their nest, but de-fence should put an end to that. If not we shall put a fox in every coop.
BO PILGRIM:
In forty years of messin' with chickens, I've never seen anything like it.
BILL MURRAY [in marching cadence, from the movie "Stripes," 1981]:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
He fell out of rank,
Got hit by a tank,
He wasn't a chicken no more,
NO!!
COL. SANDERS: I missed one?
