Post by DarkenedSoul on Sept 14, 2006 17:13:44 GMT -6
Qantas....... Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college
degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in BIG BOY thingypit. S: Something tightened in BIG BOY thingypit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what
friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly
right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in BIG BOY thingypit. S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in BIG BOY thingypit. S: Something tightened in BIG BOY thingypit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what
friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly
right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in BIG BOY thingypit. S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
